Things I have learned this week.
- The British electorate is fickle and capricious. And lacks empathy.
I saw some of them today, in the park. With their sunglasses, and Jack Wills sweatshirts. Their expensive pushchairs, and their stupid tight trousers, and their beards they’ll shave off as soon as someone asks them to.
- Erotic emails can be intensely sweet*.
Which one would you like me to talk about?
Ha ha! No chance. Sorry.
Although I’ll say this. Check your spelling.
And they do need to happen spontaneously and unexpectedly; out of the blue, and with a ‘how did this happen?’ moment. Like a Conservative majority. OH NO now I’ve spoiled it. Cameron and his shiny face. Bah.
Anyway, I thought I should say something about the election. I was thinking of buoying myself up with thoughts of the appalling five years ahead for the Tories. Within three years they could be facing an internal backbench collapse over Europe, a constitutional crisis in Scotland, and a worsening global economic downturn. All this with some young rising Labour star tearing the guts out of a tiny, tiny majority in the house. Yes. That sounds good.
So here it is. My informed comment.
I’m glad that’s dealt with. Back to the rebalancing of my internal chemicals. I’m going to lie down and chew my pillow.
Drastic action needed. Wordsworth, possibly.
Normal service resumed shortly.
*Send all erotic messages on a ten-pound note. Care of me.